two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
