BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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