What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My hand turned me down
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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