We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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