His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize