I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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