I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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