Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
