Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
