You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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