Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
