you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
