Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
