My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
