I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
