One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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