It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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