So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
