i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
