so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
