i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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