I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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