biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
