Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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