you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
