when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
