come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
