Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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