My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
