why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
