If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
