I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
