why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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