things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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