her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
