You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
