...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
