I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
