Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my shit smells like andre
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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