im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
time to smoke my breakfast
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
