theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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