he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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