remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
