remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
