question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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