At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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