I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
