Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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