apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
