my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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