2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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