3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
