Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
