Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
