Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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