I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
