i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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