And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no you cant smoke seaweed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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