in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize