I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
