That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize