If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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